The reunion this year was wonderful at least from Tundun’s point of view. She went with her two sons, Tade and Tolu. All her friends were admiring the twins, from head to toe, little did they know that most of the things they wore were bought on credit. Tundun wanted her boys to look good and admirable but her income alone could not ensure that. Luke, her husband, lost his job last year and is yet to secure another one, his age is ticking away. Before long now, he would pass the employable age. She sighed.
Her husband has not been helping matters at all, instead of him to be understanding and appreciative of what Tundun is doing, he would always complain and find faults. A lone tear fell on her face as she remembered their recent quarrel. Luke had concluded his last tongue lashing with that terrible statement, “if we can’t cope with this marriage, maybe we should go our separate ways”. Tundun wiped her face and adjusted her coverlet. She knew she must not cry, Luke was there, gently snoring beside her on the bed. She did not want to disturb him with her wailing, but she really felt like wailing out loud. The burden was becoming too heavy for her to bear. She considered her options, as she still wondered if she had any. Could she really separate from Luke, the love of her life? She knows he had been frustrated but must he pour his frustration on her? What will be the lot of their 6 years old children if they go their separate ways? Truth be told, Tundun is also frustrated, very, very frustrated, she had to combine housekeeping with sole financier of the house and psychological cum spiritual pillar of her husband and children. Everyone is leaning on her, who should she lean on?
She wondered if a break of two years will not truly do her good. If she could find a way of getting away from Luke, and even from the children, maybe she would be able to sort herself out. At least, Luke will then know her worth and how important she is in his life. Perhaps she would be able to pay off her debts and spoil herself a little. How great it would be if she too could have two pairs of those expensive but beautiful Italian shoes. And those imported skirt suits! How beautiful they would look on her. She would then enjoy her own salary maximally instead of spending everything on the home, without being appreciated. Perhaps she should get away? At least, it’s not as if Luke would miss her sexually, when was the last time he even made any move on that? Tundun wondered where she could go. She could ask to be transferred to an out – station, any state within the region would be fine, she nodded with a smile, she really needed the break. But what about my children?
A strong dread came upon her and her smile froze on her lips. No, she can’t do this! She can’t abandon her children. How would they manage without her? She can NOT abandon her husband. Her handsome, caring and romantic Luke. What about the vows she took before the altar on her wedding day? She tried to remember, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…. To love and to hold… with my body I thee worship”. Tundun felt something wet on her chest. She had been crying. But why did I take such vows? She asked herself as she got up from the bed and moved to the triple sofa in the sitting room. She cried her heart out. She did vow “for better, for worse”. Should she now because of the ‘worse’ break her vows?
Are you in Tundun’s shoes? Do you realize you no longer ‘feel’ for your spouse? Are you always angry at him/her? Do you regret marrying that particular person?
I assure you, many people are experiencing similar things. Many marriages today are being endured instead of being enjoyed. Why? Numerous challenges abound in homes. It could be spiritual attacks on the home, third party invasion (in-laws, strange women/men, leading to adultery) financial stress (due to economic meltdown in the country) physical challenges (sexual dissatisfaction, nagging, quarrels) or psychological issues (loss of first love, stress) all these are faced by many homes like yours.
What then is the way out?
There is a saying in Yoruba land that. “ Ori bibe ko ni oogun ori fifo”, that is, “cutting off the head is not the antidote for an headache”. DO NOT BREAK YOUR VOW.
Things may seem difficult, but no matter how cloudy the sky may be, there will still be a silver lining. In that extremely difficult situation (or so it seems to you), there is still a way out, which will not make you break your vow. Is it financial stress? You can reduce your expenses or increase your income (legally and righteously please).
Handle each and every challenge against your marriage spiritually first. Why? Our arch enemy, the devil, hates happy homes most of all. Satan knows that when your home is settled, you will be united and jointly train up your children in the way of the Lord. He does not want that, hence he tries to push you to break your vow. Statistics shows that children from broken homes are usually psychologically broken and it takes the grace of God to get them healed on time. Why expose your children to such stress when you hold the solution on your knees.
You don’t have a personal relationship with the Lord? No problem. Now is a good time to start. Acquaint yourself with a Bible believing church and settle your case with God.
Know this for sure!
God hates divorce. Hear what He says in Malachi 2:14 – 16 “Yet ye say, wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth (when you made your vows) against whom thou hast done treacherous, yet is she thy companion, AND THE WIFE OF THY COVENANT… For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away (divorce or separation)………..” (Emphasis mine).
Can you hear that? That your spouse which you secretly despise in your heart is your COVENANT SPOUSE. Wherever you took your vows, whether at the registry or at the altar of God, He was witness on that day. Remember “the earth is Lord’s and the fullness there of?” God is everywhere at every time, hence on your wedding day and when you made your first love together making all sweet promises to each other, God was there. Do not break your marriage vows. Do not go against God. Do not do what God hates.
Seek Jesus, the way, the truth and life. Receive grace abundantly. It is well with your soul.